POOP STORY

 There is a moment of realization. Of being so deeply annoyed that you can't speak to the person.

It's bad enough he fucked me a month ago. The time after that was a joke. Funny thing after that last time that was good, I was thinking things were looking up for us physically. That I could finally get satisfaction from him eventually. But then a month past. I didn't sit quietly. I mentioned over and over he said he'd get there. Eventually he did. 

He fell asleep for 3 hours. He snores LOUDLY! Which I don't mind because I do too. I finally don't have to be worried or ashamed about my snoring. Then a couple more days pass. He said he'd be back over Friday. He came over. We had some sex. But he's been fixated on  me orgasming for him.
I explained the ways he could make that happen. He said he needed a snack to get his strength back to go again. I made a snack. He ate it. Watched TV, then got his stuff and went home. High and dry again. Which I am getting really tired of.
When we spoke he said he'd be over the next night.

He works pretty much every day. Which I get. (except Tuesday) Since I have been off technically he could spend the whole day with me. The previous Tuesday he just laid around the house and didn't get to mine till after 8pm. He did nothing all day. I didn't trip. How he wants to spend his time is his business. He's been depressed lately so I give him his space. I let him know I'm here for him. He said thank you.

Well....the next night came and I'm waiting for his eta. He texted he was in the bathroom. I was like ok. So he's getting ready to come over. An hour later he isn't texting he's on his way. 

I was informed that he took a really big dump and it drained him so now he's ready for bed.

Really?

So now I have to be worried about his bowel movements?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!

The more I thought about this the more angry I got. Like really angry. Like put paws on him angry. 

I have to be worried that he'll have to shit and won't show up? That this is the new catchall?

I could see if it was diarrhea. And he had to hang close to home. That would be different. This wasn't that. This was a normal thing that could happen every single day. I just kept playing it over and over and getting more and more angry. I imagined him laughing about it. Like he found the perfect excuse that I couldn't argue.

He said he'd be over the next night. He never text or called me like he was getting ready or on his way. So I didn't text him either. I haven't text all day. Neither has he. He's getting off work soon. I doubt he will text once he gets home either. 

I am tired of him. Tired of feeling humiliated. Tired of feeling unappreciated. I know he has asbergers. But it's really making me feel like I don't want to feel. My life is far from perfect. I struggle a lot. Your partner should counter balance the the struggle, not cause you to struggle more. You see this bullshit on TV shows where a guy doesn't want to break up with a girl so he acts like a dick so she dumps him. I feel like that's what's happening. He's trying to get me to leave him. With his mother wife. He's never going to leave her. He's never going to expand his business. He's never going to progress as an adult.

Why did I walk into this? Why did I have to find him so attractive? Why did I have to get so curious about his talking shit about how good he is in bed. (which he is not) Why did I start fantasizing about how good we could be together? Physically he's super attractive to me. That's the hard part. I don't get attracted like this often. I just feel like he's adding to my burdens; not making them lighter. Not uplifting me. Not even being loving toward me. He's starving me. The longer I stay the emptier I get. 

You say "I'll never be in that kind of relationship."
Then there you are. I don't feel like I have to pretend or lie or be someone else with him. We laugh like idiots sometimes. We talk about music and movies. I design shirts for him. ( I've never showed him ) They are part of the secret dreams I have about us. When I have fantasies when I am alone, he's the star. He's like dating the hot guy. But we all know the hot guy always treats his women like shit. 

He has a personality disorder.
That's the bottom line.

Did I feel less attracted to him when I found out? No. But look where it's led me? 

I know I can't go on and on like this.
I want 10,000 x more than he has to give.

A man can not have a lot of money, or his own place or car; but spoil you with his time and attention. Give you kisses and compliments. Sexy texts and great sex.

I'm getting NONE of that.

He's never complimented me.

He hasn't spent the night yet. 
I shouldn't have to beg a man to spend the night.

He's said he wants to be numero uno, but he doesn't act like it.

I DESERVE SO MUCH MORE THAN THIS!