If someone cares for another someone and they speak everyday, and they haven't heard from the other person for 3 days; they would be worried. They would at least text and ask if everything was okay.
He probably thinks that I am mad at him because of BP. That was just the icing on a very big eat shit cake.
We met last February 11. I wanted him to be my Valentine but we just met so we skipped it. A month later was my birthday. I wanted to spend the day with him. He needed to get his hair cut the same day so I didn't see him till 6pm. He showed up with no card or gift. We went to the movies. I can't remember who paid.
I had the SUV back then so I drove. I dropped him at the train station and he gave me this intense passionate kiss. I thought wow! More to come.
That would be the last passionate kiss I would get.
He lives with his mother (strike)
He doesn't have a car (strike) His licence was suspended for a time which ends this March. (half a strike)
He suffers with asbergers syndrome. I didn't really consider this a strike until now. It makes him unfeeling. Unable to empathize. Unable to put anyone's needs before his own.
He says " I'm selfish." But I think he's just a hood dude that is just trapped in a mindset on top of his syndrome. He thinks it's funny to not take me out. To tell me 'not tonight.' when I am feeling sad or emotional and need him. He thinks nothing of cancelling plans he's had for months with me on a whim with no regard to my feelings. That it makes him the powerful one in the relationship.
He told me he wanted to be #1 in my life, but then treats me like an afterthought. Not to mention says he's 'dealing' with other people?
He's never in 8 months spent the night.
He's never taken me to eat.
He's never paid me a single compliment
He isn't great in bed. It's like going back in time and having sex with your high school boyfriend. His knowledge of the female body is that of a teenage boy. Which is unfortunate because he has a great package and a gorgeous body. What a waste.
He could barely stay hard half the times we had sex. 2 times he made it to completion. His own. I never had an orgasm. He demanded it. I explained what it would take to help me. He never would do anything to make it happen. The last time we had sex he stopped in the middle again. Then said he needed a snack and then he'd be back and ready to go again. I made him a snack. He ate. Then left and went home. Another fuck you.
He would make me wait a month for sex.
Who else is he fucking? Probably moms.
Who is the main reason I don't see him. The car is hers. If she decides he can't drive he won't come over. It doesn't occur to him to get on a bus and come see me. This is why he's not a man. Not mentally or physically. Physically a man wants sex. He's driven by it. Mommy says you can't use the car and that's it? That's why I feel like they are fucking. You can not see me for a month, and it's no problem?
I imagine the reason for not staying hard is also wired to mommy as well.
I had a fantasy of the hot creative man that I would have a loft with and we'd create together. But he's not it. He said we would be. But it would be at expense to my soul.
It's fallen into this whole black love can't make it hole. I know it's this loser. But why did I attract this loser into my life? Why was he so attractive to me. Why did I want him so much? Why was the fantasy so strong?
Why did I pick the absolute wrong person. The one person who absolutely can't give me a single thing I want? Not even sex. He is the antithesis of me. Not in that 'we balance eachother out' kind of way. More like he's going to drag me down till I can't take anymore. He can't break me. I'd leave long before that. It's so sad. I attracted sadness and brokenness into my life. The exact opposite of what I wanted. Why did I do this?
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