Cleanse 3 of 5

I thought it would take 5 posts to work through my feelings. It's a little embarrassing that it won't. I have to restructure my life so this doesn't happen again.

In the meanwhile my business partner and I had a falling out and I am considering leaving the organization. There is nothing more exasperating than a person who takes on the world and then gets angry because you didn't jump in and help them. He never said he needed help and he never asked for help. So then he asked me to meet him to help prepare for the event then after I traveled and hour to meet him he left without me. I was livid. The next day we tried to talk it out but he was not willing to listen. He had it in his mind I was useless. I've been all over trying to find a space for our events because the theater we used to be at got sold. I was able to speak to the new owners and get us back on the schedule. I did that. But I'm useless. Then turns out some women had complaints about me. One women felt I looked at her wrong. One felt I was pissed she talked to a guy I wanted to talk to. Not! One said I asked for a ride. I asked what direction she was going in. She was going in the opposite direction. That was the end of the conversation. But she seemed to have a need to contact my partner and tell him that I was WAY OUT OF LINE. 

I am an alpha female. I don't get small for people. I don't pretend for people. Especially if I am not on my job getting paid. This is my free time and I am not getting paid. It was a hobby pretty much. That we were trying to make a real thing and get paid from. I don't want to deal with temper tantrums, or insecure females. If it's going to just continue then I'd rather move on.

This is just another thing I would rather not have to deal with right now.

My stress level has been off the charts. I have been feeling down. I have been wanting to be distracted but can't do that either. I don't feel like doing anything. I am broke all the time since I'm between jobs. I don't have a bank account anymore because it's a couple of hundred negative. So no uber for me. I am swimming deep in the ocean. I feel like I can't breathe. 

I don't want to keep making the same mistakes over again.

I want to reinvent myself.

I want to find a good paying job so I can get the car I want so I can go places I want.

I want to get sewing supplies and tools so I can start creating and being my authentic self. 

No more struggle