Blew it off

Sometimes when you are having a hard time, being distracted helps. But as we all know sometimes it's a chore getting to the distraction. 

I was supposed to pick up my check then go see a play tonight. 

I was told the check exists, I just can't have it till tomorrow.

I had an ombre wig that I bought a few months ago. It was long, but I thought it could look better shoulder length. I cut it not on my head and the back was way too short. So I threw it away. I have a long wig with big curls I don't wear much. I say it's my interview hair. But I put it on. I laid around most of the day and then tried to figure what time I would have to leave to get to the museum early enough to get settled. I hate rushing. I figured 5:15-5:50. I didn't know what to wear. I thought that if I dressed nice it would brighten my mood. But sometimes you see yourself through these foggy goggles. Nothing helps. I put on a black dress, with a long shirt over and my short leather jacket and my MJ loafers. 

My friend calls and asks if I need a ride. He drives Lyft so he said he could come get me. But he had to get his other friend first. Then the logistics got in the way. He was calling from Orange County, and had to drive to Glendale to pick up his friend. He would call when they were close. The show starts at 7pm. Doors open at 6:30. He calls at 6 and tells me to get myself there because he wouldn't get to Glendale till 6:40. He wouldn't get to the museum by 7. There was no way. I figure I have to leave right away. I couldn't find my keys and I see the bus rounding the corner to my stop. There was no way I would make it. I finally found my keys, went downstairs. It was chilly out. I look up the next bus on my phone. 6:27. It was a 37 minute bus ride and 10 minute walk from the stop to the museum. I'd be late. 

I blew it off.

The tickets were free anyway.

I didn't sleep well last night. Almost not at all. It was 5am before I went to sleep and I was up again at 8. I was sluggish and tired all day. Plus I think eggs make me sleepy too. I had steak and eggs for lunch and fell back asleep.

I am anxious about the money. It's like $200 less than I thought. I have to figure out how to get it cashed without my bank cause my account is over $100 negative. I owe my friends cash, and I have to buy groceries. I want to pamper myself for Valentines day. Because I know the painter will not lift a finger. Which makes me feel filled with violence. I will buy perfume, chocolate and sparkly earrings. Maybe a new handbag. I will dress up pretty and eat the chocolates. I would hope to go out to dinner with my lover. But he won't do that for me. I don't think I have ever been out to dinner on Valentine's day. Ever. I got a bear once from a guy who barely spoke english. He kept saying he loved me. 

I want a real valentine's day. Even if it's staying in and cooking for my man then making love all night with breaks for ice cream in between sessions. 

I should be getting jewelry at this stage in life from my lovers however.

So far away from that.