Encouraged

I have been indulging in a bunch of bullshit eating for the past couple of months.

When I went to the clinic the other day and got on the scale I was like 'this is it' I can't keep putting this off. I loaded up on juices, lemons, honey and ACV. I said three times a day I will drink my WLD. (weight loss drink) I started doing it. My stomach was getting so big it was surpassing my boobs. I was looking pregnant even. My stomach has gone down considerably. There were these bikini briefs I bought a long time ago. When I tried them on, because my stomach was so big they would roll down. So they were not comfortable to wear. I put them on and they don't roll down! I can see progress. 

Last month on the 4th I was on my period so when my FS came in all I wanted to do was eat junk food. I would get pizza rolls and wings from family dollar. Soda and ice cream and eat that 4 days straight. I did it again this month and burnt through $90 in 3 days. I have to get real food tomorrow. I thought since I can see my body is changing, I could eat veggies and chicken only. And continue my WLD 3x a day. GO HARD ON IT so I can actually lose weight and inches. I feel like I can do it. Like I won't struggle to do it now. 

I feel like I should go to the boost mobile and apply for a job so I can make the money I need for my business investments.

$250 for shoe reseller licence.
$80 for bitcoin
$35 for credit repair
$45 vacation business
$80 for a color printer
$50 for ink

Of course fabric and stuff. But to get those things up and running is crucial right now. 

One thing about the drink, it's cleaning out my insides. REALLY CLEANING OUT. Every morning. Which I can tolerate as long as I have to time to sit there and get through it. But each time I feel like I am releasing what it's holding me back. I went out today, and my clothes fit better. I put on a small t shirt and I didn't have to keep pulling it down. I felt hope for the first time in forever. I might feel like going a little overboard because I want to succeed this time. I want to lose a significant amount of weight. I want to be the woman I dream about. The show stopper. The one that gets pursued by men of substance and intention. I want to look put together, and glamorous. I want to be in love, the real kind.