Problematic or whatevz

I don't consider myself traditional at all. I feel like I wasn't raised in a traditional way so why would I be.

I think I made a realization around 30 that men are as a whole not worth the energy. Trying to have a relationship with one is such a draining and exploitative experience, that I had to make some decisions about relationships. I like going on dates. I like crushes. I like affection. Sex when it's good is great. But everything else can be a real drag. I never wanted to have children. I have already had live in boyfriends, and it was a nightmare. Want to know what it's like to be taken for granted and completely disregarded? Move in with a guy. I realized I didn't like my feelings and desires ignored. Until I could meet a man who was considerate about those things, I wouldn't bother trying to have a relationship with them. I think in my 20s I could see myself having affairs with interesting creative men my whole life. We'd meet over the years and enjoy eachother. That would be enough.

I didn't know how complicated casual relationships would be.

Especially when it's only one way. I go months at a time without interaction on an intimate level. There's a myth that a woman can get sex whenever she wants. It's a theory. To have top quality that feels safe and connected is a whole other thing. It's not that easy to come by.

I had two men that I felt I would be happy with if I only saw them for the rest of the duration. Or until I got serious about someone. But they don't really show up when I'd like. One of them is kind of a douchebag who thinks he's a 'nice guy'. He doesn't know how to tell the truth about situations. He hides from them. He got married in the middle of our situation and didn't tell me. He was one of these 'just got out of a long relationship' guys. He wasn't happy for a long time. But he was 'moving on' when we met. Then he looped back and married her, a year later they were divorced and he was living with his parents. Three years later he's still living with them, doing odd jobs and doesn't have a car that can make the trip to the south side from the valley. It's about 26 miles one way. On public transport it's 2 busses and 2 trains one way. He borrowed a truck once to come over. He brought a pizza. But we didn't fool around. He tells me after 3 months of being back that he feels guilty because he's kind of 'seeing someone' but really shouldn't be dating at all because he needs to get his life together. He keeps promising to come over then not. I stopped even pretending. But now it's like I have to do something about this. 

The other guy doesn't live that far but he has two kids that he raises part time. So I don't bug him that much. But I can text him and not get a response for weeks. Which is annoying. 

It's just crumbs.

I have to change so many things to make this stop.
Or is this all I have to look forward to?
In this day and age it's really hard to tell.