It's been two weeks or so since he was here and we had sex. The holidays hit and his mother came to town for a week. The week before he was working a ton to make money for her visit. I figured when she left things would resume. I asked him before the holiday to come by after, he agreed.
The day she got on the plane he was on the phone with me an hour laughing and shooting the breeze. I was tired so I laid with my eyes closed talking to him. The next day he called on his break, I was already home. I text him when I get home and within a hour my phone will ring. We stayed on the phone two hours. The next day I text him I was home, and he called while he was still on the road. Then it happened.
He mentions that the day before he had to deliver something and he met Stephanie Mills. He gushed over her. He made it seem like she made eyes at him. He was gushing and gushing. He described what she was wearing in detail. He described how she looked good. Then he said she could get it. I playfully said he was going to get ms Stephanie busted in the back of her head. He said again how she lingered looking at him. It was like he was trying to get a rise out of me. He says again how she could get it. I said right after my funeral. He blurts out how he's not MY property. It was like a slap to the face. He says stuff about beating up Jay and having a talk with Kingslee about how I'm his. But when I do the same thing I get an outburst? I thought to myself, this is when he starts making excuses and acting like an ass. I felt myself shutting down. I started to get angry. He told me he would call me back. I said ok. I would take that moment to pay my cable bill on the phone. I was using the automated system and suddenly he was saying hello in the middle of me paying my bill. I said ' I didn't mean to call you' and clicked the hang up. I finished paying my bill and hung up. I few minutes later my phone rings and it's him. I pick up and he says 'I didn't mean to call you.' and hangs up in my face. He calls back and laughs. We start talking again
I would ask him about when he was coming through. He would start hemming and hawing. Talking about work. I reminded him how I said he could come over after work. Still he doesn't know. He makes a comment how I make it sound like a job requirement. I said if it feels like a job to spend time with me then take the day off. Then he says something like it sounds like he's being called to HR. I said if you feel like it's no fun then you should skip it. He says spending time with me is always fun. Alot of fun. So why all the excuses. I know why. He doesn't want anything else to happen between us physically, but doesn't want to come right out and say it. My impulse at this point is to throw everything I wanted to give him in the trash. Next thing I know he's put me on hold. Then he comes back and says how his mother is on the other line and he has to talk to her. Mind you its after midnight here so it's well after 3 am, in Louisiana where she is. I doubt seriously she's on the phone at this hour. I don't want to argue. I hang up.
SO I DECIDED
I am not investing any more time trying to love him. I prayed the whole two weeks for things to be great between us and for us to start something special. But now I know this isn't going to happen. He used me. Now he's going to avoid me. He's going to keep calling me and keep me hanging on the phone, but he's not going to spend time with me because he doesn't want to be romantic or start a relationship. I don't want to be this person who fills his life while he empties out mine. I can't seem to find a man who will GIVE ME WHAT I WANT. He and I are great together. In synch. But he's going to be the same emotionally unavailable prick I can't seem to avoid.
So no more texts. I am not accepting his phone calls anymore. Not until he can get honest about his feelings for me. He calls me constantly. He hangs on the phone for hours, but he doesn't have feelings for me? It's called sending mixed messages. I am done with it. No more. I have to get used to life without him.
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