Am I dreaming?

I figured out my paypal is hooked to my bank account, so the money was coming out of my bank account. I went to Norwalk only to be told that they were closed because of an ex presidents death. Wasted money. Anger. Then pay day got moved a day back too.

So I made a point to talk to R about his escalating. I got really honest about my feelings too. I explained myself clearly. I felt an attraction vibe over the phone. I thought since I told him clearly how his obsessive flirting and sexual talking made me feel. I basically said shut it down or bring it. Knowing he would totally back off and keep his distance. I invited him over the next night for soup and salads. I set the table and made soup with garlic. We ate and talked. I had to be to work early the next day because I had to go to Hollywood to help out with the show. 

He and I always spend hours listening to music. That is a happy place for me. He wanted to touch my hair. I was afraid to touch him. We end up on my bed listening to mellow songs. Some r & b. We sang some. Then I pulled out super old Prince albums. I played him songs he'd never heard before. I played the first and second albums and then it happened. His hands were all over me. I was confused and incredibly tired. I had been up since 5am. I wanted him to leave so I could go to bed, but he kept touching me. Then kissing my stomach. Then my breasts. Then me. We were making out to 'when we're dancing close and slow'. It was like a dream. I was so tired I couldn't really grasp what was happening. Then I would and I would internally freak out. One of the most gorgeous men I have ever seen in my life is kissing me! I never get kissed by the guy I have a crush on. THIS NEVER HAPPENS TO ME! IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?! I couldn't gather my emotions. I wanted to stop him and ask what we were doing. Where was this going. I felt like I was falling in love. I let myself fall. I felt like I always wanted him but would never get him. It was happening. He is so beautiful. I can't believe he was in my bed. I was making love to someone I thought was off limits. Like I would be kidding myself thinking I would have a chance. I feel like I am in shock. I feel like I am in love too. I want to tell everyone I am in love. I don't know how he feels. He says cute things about fighting over me. I wonder what it would be like to be in a real relationship with him. To be loved by him. To be in love with him. To build with him. I feel so many things. If I have to only have last night, I am fine with that too. He's a big chunk of my life now though. We talk on the phone a lot. We laugh a lot too. He gives me joy. I can't believe we made love. I can't believe he devoured me the way he did. He said it was a fantasy. I would say something like that. I want more.
And more. I want to go deeper and deeper with him.