The comedy of endurance

When I went across town to the food bank, I was the last one in. I was waiting for my food to be ready and a man started talking to me. We commiserated over being hungry and seeing commercials of fast food and not being able to do anything about it. How that's all you think about when you are hungry. I filled my rolly bag with the food, they gave me four baguettes, I felt fancy. I schleped the 5 blocks to the bus back to south central. I unpacked the bag.

4 baguettes
4 loaves of whole bread (you have to slice yourself)
broccoli rice (shredded broccoli)
garden salad
mixed fruit
can of garbanzos
can of corn
can of tomato soup
can of green beans
can of tomato sauce
lowfat milk (expired)
corn flakes
macaroni and cheese
tuna fish
egg noodles
yougart
apples
potatoes
eggs
a pack of drumsticks.

That's alot of stuff. I felt relieved a bit. Like I could get through to Monday. It was Tuesday. I noticed there were gnats looming over the bread, so I threw it all away. But I have been finding gaggles of gnats ever since. I left a dish in the sink and an hour later gnats everywhere. I don't know why they appeared. I've chased them room to room. I think I got them all.

I immediately cooked the drumsticks and egg noodles. I put the tomato sauce on the noodles, and put bbq sauce on the chicken legs. I ate that meal twice a day. Thursday I made macaroni and cheese. I opened the tuna and it was runny. I could barely strain the water off of it for the tuna was so weak. I dumped it out and just ate the macaroni. I ate that for 3 meals. 

In the meanwhile the first alien wanted to come through. I said I wanted pizza because I was starving. He said ok on Wednesday. Thursday, there was nothing. He was doing odd jobs, and well into the evening he'd still be working. Now on Friday night still nothing. It makes me think. It's the era of no more broke. No more dudes who can't produce an $8 pizza.
No more dudes who can't make the shit happen. 

I feel like I am wasting away. The hunger rarely subsides, even after I have eaten. My body seems like it's weak. All I think about is food. How I never ever want to be this hungry for this long again. All of this has to end.

I found ways to make money on my own, but I have to buy my way in of course. That will take more waiting. I have to file my taxes, and wait for them to come back. Then the buy in happens. There is a job fair on Wednesday of next week. I hate job fairs, but I am tired of searching on line for work. I just need to move forward toward my dreams. The real ones. Not the paying bills one. Fuck that shit.

Yesterday I had a serge of energy and cleaned out my closet and threw out a bunch of shit. I put away all the projects I wasn't doing. I swept the floors, and folded up everything. It was like fung shewei in this bitch. So light and airy. I felt brand new. My tiny dress form, I made a custom dress for it. I was like, I want a dress to wear like this! The next day (Friday) I broke out my sewing and worked on some new joggers. I plan to wear them on Sunday to my event. I want to crochet my purple wig too. Plus make a jacket. I'm full of ambition. I want to feel new when I go to Hollywood on Sunday. Look impossibly cute. Feel like the future is mine.

Feeling like a breakthrough is coming.