He's back from outer space

I'm minding my own business and I get a message on linkdn, then on messenger on fb. He's been radio silent for two years. I have tried to find him, but it's not that easy. This guy was the gold. My chemical combustible. It was years since anyone could fill me like he did. But there were always issues. A month after we started dating he ghosted, then popped up to tell me he got back with his ex of 8 years. He didn't want to upset me but felt bad about saying nothing at all. I was so annoyed that I made it my business to seduce him. He could have been lying to avoid having an actual relationship with me and reducing it to just sex. I didn't care. But over time it seemed like everything was when he wanted to. He married her, and kept seeing me. They would break up again, and we'd still see each other. But he'd move back in with his parents, and I was sharing a house with no visitors rules so we'd have to get cheap hotel rooms. He wouldn't allow me to pay for anything. If he was broke, well we didn't get together. 

Sometimes for months. No matter how bad I wanted to see him, I couldn't. 

Having someone turn you on this way is rare. If I never got into a relationship I'd be perfectly happy rolling around with him. 

Then he fell off the planet. 

I'd have to try and forget about him.

Trying to have chemical reactions like that with someone else would be daunting. Depressing. Unfulfilling. I'd meet a guy on my quest that came damn close. Really damn close. But he had all sorts of family issues so I wouldn't see him for months at a time either. If I could go back and forth between them I'd be happy forever. But it was always high and dry with both. Unreturned texts for weeks at a time. It's fucking bullshit and mad rude. 

I'm tired of rude.

Mr. outer space of course after being gone for two years expected to get together and have sex right away. Come over under the cover of night like he never left. In theory it was exciting until I realized. I'd changed.

I like sex.
But I also like dinner.
Lunch
Movies
trips to Vegas.

I am not a slave girl who gets summoned and doesn't get to have any feelings about anything that happens to her. If either of these guys could be cordial, and do something nice from time to time like take me out. It would be cool. BUT it's too much for either of them. Yeah the sex is great. But there isn't enough of it. They keep me waiting. If I were to text either one to say I wanted it right now. I couldn't have it. This is problematic. One has two kids he has every other week so if he's with them, of course he can't be here. The other is just laden with excuses on any given day. 

I'm tired of this completely one sided bullshit. I'm reinventing. I'm trying to elevate on many levels. Ideally I'd want to be in love with someone who was in love with me, and have brain melting sex with him. But I shuttle between these two instead, or in the meantime.

I'm sitting here not caring if I ever see either of them again. I guess I better get hunting for mister wonderful.