Why does everything have to be such a fucking struggle?

I was supposed to start my new job tonight. It was a shock because we were originally told we had two days of training. But we ended up with only one. So at 4pm I am told I am working at 2am. So I am freaking out trying to figure out how much sleep I need. Plus I have to eat. I was anxious as hell.

I went to bed at 7. I laid in bed worrying I would oversleep. I figured I would get up at midnight, eat something get dressed pack lunch then call a lyft at 1am. Everything seemed cool. UNTIL....

I unknowingly I had the wrong address. I thought I was going to 900 S Alameda. Totally wrong spot. I spent an hour looking for something that didn't exist. I called a lyft to go home. The driver happened to get in my business and he knew where I was going for real. He turnt the meter off and took me. He hung out while I waited to get in. There were 4 buzzers and no one answered. I couldn't get in. Not to mention where this place is is spooky as hell. It's also right next to the twin towers. They let out the overflow inmates about this time of night. So I called another lyft. The first lyft driver waited with me cause it was spooky. 

I came home and got on line to see what the fuck. I called the line is busy. I read the yelp reviews and they are awful. I'm super angry because now I am missing a day of pay. I have to go to the main office and tell them what happened and pray I am not fired. 

I have been planning my escape though this job for weeks. Now it's here and I am anxious as hell. I want to get to the next level. I want my life to change. It's going to take cash. This cash is supposed to fuel my business ventures so I can have even more money coming in. So I can eat clean, get into dance class, afford supplements, get a car and work more for myself. Be free. 

I am sick to my stomach because I don't know what I will do if this job drops me. I thought I had it figured out by getting this job. I just don't want to fail. When I was walking down the wrong street I was crying because I don't want to lose. I felt all my plans catching on fire. It seems that I have a knack for getting lost and losing out on things. I feel like my life is on the line now. I can't keep living the same life over and over. I need change.

pray for me