Science is on my side

The Hell I am going through

The neurotypical spouse is adversely affected as a result of these deficits:

• Empathy disorder
• Emotional immaturity and deficiencies in Theory of Mind
• Deficiencies in the ability to express and receive emotions and affection
• Lack of understanding of the connection between an intimate, mutual atmosphere of tenderness and cohesion and the sexual intercourse
• Deficiencies in the ability and desire for mutual communication, shared interests and shared social experiences
• Sensory disorders that may cause the AS-partner’s reluctance to physical touch, smell, taste, etc.
• Deficits in the ability to understand non-verbal communication, which represent 75-90 percent of all communication – and probably even more when it comes to the intimate and sexual “language” including flirtation and the fore-play
• Extreme preoccupation with own needs and obsessions and limited ability to see the needs of others.

The above is what I am dealing with in the man I feel like I love. I have guilt because I get angry and frustrated that I can't get the things I really desire from him. Like he can't understand feelings. He doesn't get passion. He doesn't understand sentimentality. There were a few times he came over and we laid on my bed watching tv and he put his arm around me and we snuggled. I would occasionally kiss his cheek. 

It's just if he's aroused it's like gang busters. Which there is nothing wrong with. But then there is a loss of momentum in the middle of everything which leaves me high and dry and frustrated as hell. He doesn't have the ability to talk through this so I get angry. Why did I have to have feelings for someone who can't give me what I want emotionally and physically.

I feel like there is something wrong with ME.

Because I can't stop thinking about him. I can't stop wanting to see him. I get upset when I tell him I want to see him and he makes no effort to see me. That it will always be this way.

I just hate myself for loving him.