Months have passed and I still go into the homies shop almost daily.
We visit when it's slow, and the other day we were talking about Prince. He mentioned that one of his homeboys loves Prince too, and I reminded him of him. He opened a facebook page to show me dude. To see if maybe I would want to meet him. All the pictures he showed me of dude he was in. I was busy looking at my crush. He asks 'Well what do you think?'
He aiiiight.
Just aiiiight?
Yeah. What else can he be standing next to you?
He blushes.
It's funny to see a man blush.
I launched into my baby boo thing, sprinkling him with compliments. 'Erybody fall back S is in the building.'
He's smiling ear to ear. He looks down, "That's my girl."
I do feel what I am saying as the gospel truth. To me he's gorgeous. I can't get enough of this dude. But I feel like I'm in perminant hold. He lives mad far away, and with moms, while he's saving for a 'nice place' as he put it. I don't feel like anything that I say or do will get him to spend time with me, just me. Outside of his work. It's a horrible place to be. But we frequently say things like 'You're the best.'
He admits to having a touch of anxiety. He said something about crowds, and being around a bunch of people he doesn't know. Like if you invite him to a party where he won't know anyone, he most likely won't go because it freaks him out. I told him to just think of it like he's been invited as the 'special guest.' If people look, that's why. He said he never thought of it that way.
I spend lots of time daydreaming about him. What life with him would be like. But I can't deny the facts. I'm on hold. Super extra hold.
The one time I could see him outside of work, it was at a function on skid row. It was a warm day, so the smell down there was disgusting. Gag worthy. There would be food, so I hadn't eaten before I went down. By the time I parked my car and walked down to the event I was good and nauseous. I saw him, and tried to play it off. He led me into a tent where there was food to eat and drinks. He told me to tell anyone who asks that I am with him. I wanted to hang around, but after I ate, my stomach was in knots, the smell was overwhelming me, and S was bouncing around everywhere. I just left.
When I caught up with him at work, he apolojised to me for being so busy. He hadn't really noticed I bounced. I guess he did, but maybe he thought it was because I wasn't getting his attention. I could have played it that way. But it wasn't a big deal either way. I am thinking more of a dinner and movie situation, not hanging on skid row. That's his thing. Working with a ministry that helps people out on skid row. You can't be mad at that. It's actually quite admirable. He used to be one of the people down there, so he knows of what he speaks. There are plenty of things on the surface to love about this man.
I want to know the man below the surface tho.
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