When I was younger, I liked making gifts for people. I loved spending hours thinking of ideas and putting them together in this amazing present for the object of my desire.
Once Christmas, a man who I had been in love with (alone) for four years got a box of all sorts of candies, mixed with clear jewel cases sprinkled with glitter shapes and long tapes like measuring tape with poems written on them, I also burned CDs and stuck in there. I was especially proud of how well it turned out. I covered the box in photos of bands we liked, and made a big bow out of denim.
He loved the gift. He liked the chocolates not so much the other flavors. But he really liked it a lot. I didn't win him with it. But I liked that I made his day.
I would later find out from 'dating experts' that doing this sort of thing lowered my value as a woman, and made me undesireable to my object of affection; no matter how cool the gift was, or how well thought out the poems were. If I was going to get guys to like me, I had to stop doing this immediately.
I haven't given a man a gift in over a decade. The experts say if you are involved in a relationship with a dude, go ahead and give. But if you aren't and want to be, don't do it.
My current crush asked me in passing if I had anything lying around the shop that he could wear to a birthday party. Something to go with the camoflage pants he was already wearing. I wasn't sure but I said I'd check. He seemed anxious. So I told him not to worry, I'd find something.
I'd been secretly plotting to make him some shirts anyway. We talk about clothes often, and he's mentioned what he likes.I had three shirts made. He text me a picture of a sweater he liked that we made. I told him we had a black one, and he said cool. He was busy that day so he said he didn't know if he'd have time to come down to the shop and pick it up. I was busy working so I couldn't stop and get it to him before 5. We missed the connection. But I told him I would bring the sweater in on Monday.
Over the weekend I kept looking at the box with the 3 shirts and sweater. I wanted to burn CDs of hip hop I liked, and put in chocolates. ( I know he likes chocolate ) and write a letter telling him how I feel.
It took all of my will NOT to do this.
I simply wrapped the box in foil paper. No card, not nothing.
When I went into the store Monday I put the box on his desk, he looked surprised. He asked what it was. I said it was a gift for him. I was also there to pay for our hats from last week. He was a little flustered when he sat down and said so. I thought it was cute. He said he was taken a back. I was happy that he was happy.
Then he said it again:
"I love you girl." Then he came around the desk and hugged me.
He said he'd get me something. I didn't expect that. But I don't want him to get me something. I want us to go out and spend time together. That's it. I didn't say that outloud. His mom is always lurking close.
How to get what I want is the next issue....
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