On Line SHENANNIGANZ!

I think in 2016 we have all pretty much decided what dating sites we will mess with and which ones we won't. It seems like a merry go round at this point. Deleting apps, downloading apps. It's almost like a jokey security blanket we singles (and some not singles) use to verify that we are still somewhat attractive to those who we wish to attract.

I think now people really are stifled to the point of not really wanting to meet anyone. They just want to know they could meet someone, with no real intention on following through. I am finding more and more men on dating sites to be in relationships already, that they claim are open. Yeah right, does SHE know it's open? Or guys who are millenial and have ZERO clue what courtship is. It's gimmie. 

I have felt a shift in the past say 7 years or so in men's attitudes about dating and relationships. I think men have always catagorized women in an imaginary hierarchy and have made that dreamgirl the top one, that he will never attain but every woman he meets has to compete with. For instance if he wants a woman who is like Kim K, he's always going to be attracted to that type even if he can never get her attention much less date her. This will be his ideal. How much energy you get from him is determined by your proximity to Kim Ks looks. He can keep this up his entire life, and will either marry a Kim K look alike, or spend his life putting every woman he meets through the paces of not being good enough because she doesn't look like that.

I have also noticed that men don't care about boundaries. I have always had a feeling that disrespect would be something typical because I am black. That I don't deserve respect, dignity or the right to say NO. Which is bullshit of course. But it was something implied throughout my life. I don't get a choice in who I date, sleep with or have a relationship with. I better take what I can get. I don't get to have standards, or even a dream guy. I am supposed to be a vending machine for men. Whatever they want I am supposed to prodouce no questions asked and more importantly, nothing expected in return. 

When I stand against this attitude, I have been mocked and attempts at humiliating me into changing my mind have been thwarted. I don't spin a few sentences to a man on line and then chuck him my phone number or facebook ID.  I know NOTHING about you. You could be a professional stalker for all I know. You might spend your days researching womens lives so you can eventually murder them. YOU WILL NOT HUMILIATE ME OUT OF CARING ABOUT MY SAFETY!!!

My privacy is part of that safety. I don't just let random strangers in. If you feel you don't need to earn your way in, then see your way out. To me that shows an attitude of entitlement. I don't rock with that. You don't get to decide my worth. I set that. Some men have issue with this. So I don't deal with many.

There is also a rash of men who have not mastered the art of conversation. This could be a BIG REASON they are single. They have nothing to say, no opinions, no jokes nothing. Super boring on line so why would I ever want to meet you?

Then you have to constant sexual innuendo dude. 
You could have been cool, but you always want to talk sex. Which makes me think that if I met you, that is all you would want. You would put lots of pressure on me to have sex, and I might end up having to mace your dumb ass. Some dudes can't tone it down so they can never get it poppin.

Then there is the plug and play guy. He wants an instant relationship. These are the knuckleheads you see on catfish all the damn time. They say 'I love you' before they have even run an eyeball cross you. Really dude? Thirsty much? Or they can't stop saying how pretty you are. You are too pretty to be single. How come someone so pretty doesn't have a man?

LET SEE....

Cause pretty girls intimidate boys. 

And if you go on and on and on about my looks, I think something is wrong with you. I start to feel trapped by your expectation of me to be this glowing goddess whos supposed to grant all of your wishes. I just wish to kick you in your nuts for being such a dumbass. Men think telling a woman she is beautiful every 20 seconds is a good thing.

IT ISN'T!

It's smothering. It's panderific. It's insincere. It's cookie cutter bullshit. You gotta get it together. I think you don't have the ability to connect on a deeper level if all you want to talk about is pretty.

There was one guy, who was not quite in my preferred age range. But he was very attractive in a sort of cute guy, doesn't know it way. I kept seeing him on line so I spoke. We struck up a conversation about music, and it got pretty intense. He's a musician and lives in the area. Very good convo. Didn't get icky and innuendo-y at any time. So I thought this is a dude I could hang with. Then he asks me to lunch on Sunday. He offers several options for me to choose from. I pick one. He says great choice. I tell him I had a thing early in the day but I would find out when it was done then let him know. I IMd him the info. No answer.

I wait
No Answer
Sunday comes
Still no answer
Sunday is over
No answer
Monday
No Answer
Tuesday
No Answer

Wednesday, he comes with some story about having to give a friend a ride.

Really dude?

Granted, you don't know me. I'm pretty much a stranger. However, you set up a date with ME. You didn't have the decency to say anything for three days. Even when your 'friend' was begging for said ride. You didn't jump on your phone and say 'Hey this is happening, not gonna make it.'

You ghosted.
Then you felt bad.

I called bullshit on his ass. He insisted he was telling the truth. Over and over again.

I called bullshit over and over again.

He has tried to continue a conversation, but it's not really happening. Because I see this dude differently. As someone who wastes my time. No bueno.

Then a dude comes back from outer space. HMU on FB. Saying I was in his suggested friends feed.

I had just about gotten him clean out of my hair, and BAM!

So he gives me his new number, and we're off and texting again.

He was the 'good morning' text guy.
He made me swoon when he picked me up from work once.

No one had done that for me, I don't think ever.
We would go to the observatory and make out for hours. His kiss was....
I don't think I can even explain it. I just felt faint.
We got physical, and it was amazing. 
I couldn't wait for more.
But I had no choice.

He is the good son, who is at everyone's beck and call which made it near impossible to see him regularly. Sick mother and all. I started to resent him, so I just pushed him off as see you when I see you.
I like the guy, but there is no room for me in his life.
The good morning and good night texts are mocking me. Because there will be no in between. I may never even see him again in person. I don't think efforts will be made on his end.

For instance.
We would go to the movies.
There is a movie out I wanted to see.
I asked if he was off Sunday
He says 'Sunday Works'
I was like cool.
So I am telling him the film and whatnot.

Sunday comes and he's acting like we have no plans.
He is confused
I tell him he told me Sunday Works.
He looks back in his texts.
He meant Sunday he works.
Miscommunication! 
So it wasn't a blow off. 
But I still didn't get to see him.
I feel like I have to beg to see him, so I don't even ask.
It makes me a little mad.
I feel like I am wasting time texting with him.
It's the virtual equivalent of being in an empty relationship.
But it's worse, because you don't even get to hug, kiss and have sex with the person.
It's just words on a phone.
We could sext, it's pretty hot.
Phone sex is too.
But it's not the real thing.....

sigh