On line dating is a cycle of rejecting and being rejected. I get really tired of guys 'favoriting' me but never speaking. I sometimes send them e mail. They do not answer.
The strange turn of events is that I am noticing that black men in their mid 40's look a lot like my father the last time I saw him. It skeeves me out completely. I mean literally turns my stomach. It's weird, but true. These poor guys are messaging me without a clue. It's not like I can post a pic on my page of my dad, and give a caption 'if you look anything like this guy, do not bother; the answer is HELL NO.' I also have problems with men who remind me of family members. Can't find them attractive either. It's so odd in a way how a man can look at my picture and find me attractive, and I can look back at his and not find him attractive in the least. The same happens to me too. I find a guy attractive, and he doesn't find me attractive back. It's a cycle.
I am looking forward to moving so I can get out and be social. Go to events and clubs I want to and maybe meet guys the organic way. My Bff god love her is a few years older than I am so she sometimes tends to go places with a crowd a little older than I am comfortable hanging with. I don't target younger men, but I am not uncomfortable around them either. 35 to me is a good age. You could be ready for a relationship at 35. That's pretty much a grown ass man. As long as he isn't still living at home being coddled to death by his mother that is.
There comes a moment when I think, maybe dating forever is my thing. I will have to always have more than one man in my life to keep me going. I'd love to get deep and close with someone. It's just not all up to me. Men can sometimes complicate things in ways that I care not to unravel. I just leave it alone and go to the next one. Also I have a hard time understanding my instincts. The last guy that threw me for a loop I couldn't understand why. We liked to watch documentaries, but separately. He'd recommend something, and I'd watch and visa versa. We'd loan each other books and then talk about them after each has read them. That was a huge turn on for me. Other areas he made me a little nuts. He worked two jobs so he was very limited time wise. But he would barely keep in touch. I would be lucky to hear from him once a week. I saw him twice a month. It wasn't quite enough for me. The sex was pretty good. But could use more time to get great. I never got that time. He met someone whom he decided he wanted a relationship with. Then he moved to Long Beach too. Much farther away. It took me a couple of months to get my last book from him. I had a bone to pick with him too over something that he did. I just wanted to tell him how it made me feel so I didn't walk around feeling angry about it. It was incredibly disrespectful and once he did it I knew he wasn't the guy for me. Ever since then I have been really reserved about how I feel about anyone. So I keep a distance. I don't expect it to be this way forever. Hopefully I will get past this.
Maybe once I start making real money and get back into dancing and working out and can be around people whom I click with it will get easier.
In the meantime, I have been having sex dreams about this guy WTH. He lives in another state. He's an artist, and a friend of a friend. I think I crush him.
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