A guy I know (who is black and loves white women) and I were riding the train. We were talking about black films, and then started talking about the whole Bill Cosby fiasco. Somehow the topic turned to Lupita Nuongo. I was mentioning how she is in so many fashion magazines. I also pointed out that if her name was Tanya Jones and she was from Brooklyn, no one would be talking about her. She most likely would have never been in the 12 years movie. I am certain Tanya Jones' path would have traveled a much different one than Lupita's. Lupita lived a pretty stellar life and went to some pretty amazing colleges. Would Tayna have had the same access as a black american girl? I huge part of me says no. If Tanya and Lupita, looking identically; choosing identical careers as actresses had shown up for the same part, what differences in their auditions would their be? The guy on the train with me went along to say he didn't find Lupita attractive at all. Also that her 'fame' comes from her acting out a white man's fantasy in 12 years a slave. I hadn't really thought about it from that angle. It was an ugly idea, and suddenly cast disgusting shadow on her triumph. It was sad that a black man pointed it out.
The point I am getting at is that if a black person ISN'T American, and has an accent, suddenly they become exotic and acceptable in the mainstream. If Alek Wek the supermodel would have been from say Jersey would she still be famous, or just ugly? What about Naomi Campbell?
I have done experiments with accents, and it's totally true people treat you differently if you have one. I don't put one on to date however. I often wondered what would happen if I showed up with one. These days you barely talk on the phone to people anyway.
As a black woman when you broaden your horizons and open to dating other races; it tends to come along with some silly stuff sometimes. I'd say 90% of the time it's a test in patience. You find yourself having to get really good at weeding out guys who are just 'curious' from ones who sincerely want to date you. Some guys will date you, but never take you around their friends or families. Some guys pose the hypothetical to their friends, and see what they would say or do. If they don't approve or say some negative stuff about dating a black woman, guess what? You are on the way out. Fewer calls, fewer dates and eventually dropped all together. Don't get me started on the sexual things. Some guys get really disappointed when they realize you are just like other women sexually. Sometimes they do so immediately after. They expected some sort of jungle gymnastics, or their penises to be bigger after. When they aren't YOU are the dud. You get treated as if you stole something, like you falsely advertised and now he can't stand you.
Every now and then there is the naive guy whom it doesn't occur to that there would be any cultural difference to navigate through. The first time he is confronted with the negativity from society about dating a black woman, he is genuinely upset. It may send him packing, or he may brush it off. Brush it off guy is few and far between. So you go in secretly bracing yourself for the inevitability that some confrontation or at least heavy shade will happen. I went to eat with a white guy who I was not dating. He was only a friend. As we were leaving the restaurant, a very shabby black man with an equally shabby white woman in tow was coming in. He saw my friend and I and immediately took it upon himself to curse me out. "You giving it up to the white man, you a sad bitch." My friend was stunned by the language of this hypocrite. All I did was point at his 'friend' who was standing next to him. He can do it, but I have to sit home alone while you do it? Nah. Aint happening.
There's a saying in some communities. 'Get in where you fit in.' If someone doesn't want you move on. I dated white guys, but there was always something missing. A something that I felt robbed of. A something that was a part of me, and I couldn't live without. I would go through things that they couldn't understand, or shield me from. Moreover it wasn't the shiny popular, educated, super attractive upwardly mobile white guys I was dating. I was dating the 'I can't get a date to save my life for some reason or another' white guys. The ones other women wouldn't date. Which would get to be an issue after a while because of who I am. I need mental stimulation. I need someone to be as interested in me as I am in him. I need to be challenged in some areas, and none of them could ever provide that. I couldn't risk settling and having kids with one of these. I had to do something about it.
I had to run.
I had to be around people of color.
The south has those right?
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