This is the kind of insincere BS I have to put up with.....

He isn't bad looking. But he only has one pic on his profile so it's most likely fake. He's most likely not in LA either. He writes....

Hi pretty How r u doing ? it's said that men are meant to make the first move Umm , without asking u that i guess ur doing fine ,I'm james i seem to be new to this online thing.Wowowow , I'm sorry if my wowow scares u but i feel like i'm looking at an Heavenly sent right now , Lol . Ok , A question Could this be an Angel? Just a view on your page i feel cool .. some people have nice eyes, some have nice smiles, and some have faces but guess what?.. U have all of them, if angels were to be taxed ,i would be the highest taxpayer just for u ,Oh my Goodness i still can't take off my eyes from your pic , Well i guess i have to leave now , I just hope and pray to get back a message from u . I know i only see your picture i don't really know what your heart looks like but i would like to know thats,if you would like to know more about me as well ....You seem to be very interesting..I'm seeking a relationship Are you?.. you can E m a I l me at ......... xxxxxxxne@gmail.com And if u get my msg just Pls just E m a I l me back on my personal info I left Take care and stay blessed Yours Sincerely,james

not creepy at all.

EYEROLL

We all hate it when....

We are on the net trying to not be stagnate and so we make the effort to meet new people. You see a guy and think 'hey he's cute' and start talking. He has a decent personality. Kind of funny. But lives way out of the area. 

There comes a time in a woman's life when she has to stop entertaining the desires of guys, and focus on what her own desires are. Some guys are lonely, or thirsty, and any half decent looking woman looks their way they are all over her. A little too enthusiastic, and want too much too fast. 

I watched an episode of CATFISH the other night with some high school kid talking to some gorgeous lady wrestler on line. He wanted to meet her and see what's up. Of course you are hoping he doesn't find out she's a man. She isn't. She is gorgeous like her pictures too. Alarmingly so. Like, why don't you have a line around the block gorgeous. But he has decided he is in love and wants to move in right away and start their lives together. She's like 'hold on there homie, slow your roll.'  She was talking sense to him, that friends first and then they have to spend time together. You can't just be in love on the first meeting. He falls apart only hearing rejection. But fast forward a few months, they are flying to see eachother and spending weeks at a time together. So it all worked out.

I feel smothered sometimes when I go out and meet guys. You can smell the desperation on them. They are overly complimentary, and want to see you right away. I am like slow down homie. But when you say that, much like high school dude they see it as rejection.

I met a guy who's pic I liked, and he looked like  a crumpled up version of the picture. Not old, just unkempt. I don't like when a guys pics are shaved and he shows up stubbly. Pet peve. Anyway. We had lunch and talked. He was a nice dude, but I wasn't attracted to him in person. I felt bad. He had nice full lips which I like on a man. So I gave him a good bye kiss, but his breath was horrible so I didn't really put much effort into it. He wanted me to visit him at his job 2 hours away on Sunday. He works at a mall, near the beach so I said yes. Not really wanting to spend my whole day travelling to see a guy I'm not particularly attracted to. I would be going through the motions. Faking it for his benefit. He said he would give me a ride home. Which I am sure he would want to kiss, and I don't want to. He lives in that area so I kept seeing 'well I just live down the block, let's hang at my place for a while.' NOPE! I have to stay in my hood when I get to know someone. I made a mistake telling him I would go. I had to back out. I told him I wasn't coming, and I could hear him pout via text. I told him I would make it up to him. I said I had to catch up on some work. (which is true, I have been procrastinating all week, and I'm out of money now) I needed the day to get things in order. 

I just really don't want to schlep on dates with guys I have no interest in.

sigh.

....Valentine's Day

I woke up to a Happy Valentine's Day text from A. He works weekends so that's all I could hope for. We had lunch a few days ago and called it Valentines. 

Interestingly enough the beauty I have had a crush upon for months and I were interested in a lecture at the Pan African Film Festival. A friend had mentioned it on facebook, and I thought one would have to have tickets to get into the lecture. I was assured that was not the case and the lecture would be free to attend. I attempted to confirm through the festival with no luck. Nothing was posted anywhere and no phone numbers. What the heck wing it. 

I told my crush and he was on board. We met up to take the long bus ride to the festival. I was sort of cute in an outfit I made myself. A pink brocade pencil skirt, a frankenstien t shirt with one half grey Air Force the other half cherry blossoms, and a white and black Japanese Anime patterned bolero, white sandals. He wore a lavender polo button up, army green pants and red sneakers. 

When we got there a friend was spinning records in the courtyard. When we began to walk through, Bilial's 'Soul Sista' began to play. We both responded with the first few notes. He started singing it in perfect Bilial falsetto along with the record. I swooned a little. He's gorgeous and can sing too? 

We went inside and the theater was crazy crowded. I saw the festival info booth and went to ask. Turns out we did need tickets and it was sold out, and the tickets had been $35. UGH~! Embarrassing! We went through the brochure to see what else was happening. But it didn't really matter. Neither of us was equipped to pay $20 to get in anywhere. 

We went into the mall and I was hungry so I got a meal at the food court. He composed a cover letter on his phone. He kept asking my opinion.  I asked him questions about himself. He never asked me anything back tho. To me that says 'uninterested'. We did have fun talking and he is naturally funny. He's really into movies like I am, and we have many similar favorites. I know I could trust him on movie night to pick something good.  I did find out he is in his early 40's which is great for me kind of. But unless I drop like 50 lbs, and move away, I don't see him being motivated in any way to court me. He is extremely fit. He runs regularly and eats pretty healthy overall. 

I planned some drastic changes for myself anyway. Once my finances pick up change will be easier to stay focused on. Even though the day didn't go as planned, it was a great day. I was with a man I liked on Valentine's day. That was a good way to spend the day.

my heartbeat....

He is unbelievably gorgeous but in an earthy accessible way.

He takes care of his body, and he can dress himself. He also has a spiritual life. Alas he is forbidden fruit. Which should make him even more desirable. I guess on some level it does, but the risk is greater than the reward. When I move out I can say and do whatever I want. He always pays attention to me. Strikes up conversations, and engages me in some way. I would date him in a heartbeat if the choice were there. He's just what a woman like me wants. 

Denzel Washington is giving a lecture on Valentine's Day, and I want to go. But I have to find the money to travel. He wants to go too. Maybe we can have a day out. No one can know. There is pressure not to be seen flirting or interacting alone. It could threaten our housing. But it's nice to have a crush on someone.

I saw A after three months. He' s been in the hospital and had surgery. He had lost a bunch of weight. I felt like a giant next to him. We went out for lunch at denny's and visited. He finally bought a new car too. I love new car smell. I can't wait to have my own new car smell. We didn't get around to talking about sex tho.  Eventually we have to.

this thirsty ass mofo....

a message I got yesterday

(man holding a clearly fussy child)

"Wow I am here looking at your profile....uuussshhh God when I saw your profile I must say I was really captivated and absorbed, my heart stumbled for you my eyes are on you I have never seen a woman that look so captivating, enchanting, charming, gorgeous, sweet in my life before.
You are the most sweetest woman I have ever seen in my life, I am looking for a partner in life and I want someone That will be there for each other both in bad and good times, I think you are the...."

me: that's a lot to absorb. thank you

"Awwwwww ....baby thanks for the reply I cant wait to be with a lovely woman like you baby cos you sound very lovely and caring ur profile shows that u are of the the best woman on earth baby and I can't wait to have you and spend the rest of my life with you baby ad i cant wait to get to know you more better than this the if God wants we can be together for the rest of our lives.

me: no thanks.


blek.

Is it ugly if it's possibly true?

A guy I know (who is black and loves white women) and I were riding the train. We were talking about black films, and then started talking about the whole Bill Cosby fiasco. Somehow the topic turned to Lupita Nuongo. I was mentioning how she is in so many fashion magazines. I also pointed out that if her name was Tanya Jones and she was from Brooklyn, no one would be talking about her. She most likely would have never been in the 12 years movie. I am certain Tanya Jones' path would have traveled a much different one than Lupita's. Lupita lived a pretty stellar life and went to some pretty amazing colleges. Would Tayna have had the same access as a black american girl? I huge part of me says no. If Tanya and Lupita, looking identically; choosing identical careers as actresses had shown up for the same part, what differences in their auditions would their be? The guy on the train with me went along to say he didn't find Lupita attractive at all. Also that her 'fame' comes from her acting out a white man's fantasy in 12 years a slave. I hadn't really thought about it from that angle. It was an ugly idea, and suddenly cast disgusting shadow on her triumph. It was sad that a black man pointed it out.

The point I am getting at is that if a black person ISN'T American, and has an accent, suddenly they become exotic and acceptable in the mainstream. If Alek Wek the supermodel would have been from say Jersey would she still be famous, or just ugly? What about Naomi Campbell? 

I have done experiments with accents, and it's totally true people treat you differently if you have one.  I don't put one on to date however. I often wondered what would happen if I showed up with one. These days you barely talk on the phone to people anyway. 

As a black woman when you broaden your horizons and open to dating other races; it tends to come along with some silly stuff sometimes. I'd say 90% of the time it's a test in patience. You find yourself having to get really good at weeding out guys who are just 'curious' from ones who sincerely want to date you. Some guys will date you, but never take you around their friends or families. Some guys pose the hypothetical to their friends, and see what they would say or do. If they don't approve or say some negative stuff about dating a black woman, guess what? You are on the way out. Fewer calls, fewer dates and eventually dropped all together. Don't get me started on the sexual things. Some guys get really disappointed when they realize you are just like other women sexually. Sometimes they do so immediately after. They expected some sort of jungle gymnastics, or their penises to be bigger after. When they aren't YOU are the dud. You get treated as if you stole something, like you falsely advertised and now he can't stand you. 

Every now and then there is the naive guy whom it doesn't occur to that there would be any cultural difference to navigate through. The first time he is confronted with the negativity from society about dating a black woman, he is genuinely upset. It may send him packing, or he may brush it off. Brush it off guy is few and far between. So you go in secretly bracing yourself for the inevitability that some confrontation or at least heavy shade will happen. I went to eat with a white guy who I was not dating. He was only a friend. As we were leaving the restaurant, a very shabby black man with an equally shabby white woman in tow was coming in. He saw my friend and I and immediately took it upon himself to curse me out. "You giving it up to the white man, you a sad bitch." My friend was stunned by the language of this hypocrite. All I did was point at his 'friend' who was standing next to him.  He can do it, but I have to sit home alone while you do it? Nah. Aint happening. 

There's a saying in some communities. 'Get in where you fit in.' If someone doesn't want you move on. I dated white guys, but there was always something missing. A something that I felt robbed of. A something that was a part of me, and I couldn't live without. I would go through things that they couldn't understand, or shield me from. Moreover it wasn't the shiny popular, educated, super attractive upwardly mobile white guys I was dating. I was dating the 'I can't get a date to save my life for some reason or another' white guys. The ones other women wouldn't date. Which would get to be an issue after a while because of who I am. I need mental stimulation. I need someone to be as interested in me as I am in him. I need to be challenged in some areas, and none of them could ever provide that. I couldn't risk settling and having kids with one of these. I had to do something about it.

I had to run.

I had to be around people of color.

The south has those right?

celebrity site...

I am always wary when celebrities want to get into the dating game. Their sites are always stupid expensive and the selection is dependably motley. A new one popped up, and for poops and grins I thought I would sign up. But there was a glitch, so I couldn't. A few months later I would see the ad again and try again. I would get through the sign up and expect not to be able to communicate with anyone without paying at least $30 for a month. This was the case. But I was curious about the selection and who they would match me with. 

I sent out winks and what not to see if anyone would respond, but of course the way the site is set up unless I pay the $30 I won't know. At least some sites let you see who winked, so you can at least say 'oooh the cute guy winked back, let me get my credit card.' This way you pay and you see that Grady and Fred Sanford have sent you e mails. 
Enter sad trombone.

So I get one of those 'here are your matches' e mails and open it up and I kid you not; I went into full in Bernie Mac mode when I saw who was in there. "Awww LORD!" I think I even winced.  Three members of Levert, Samuel L Jacksons much heavier brother, and Danny Trejo's cousin were waiting for me. 

These are my matches?
You will NEVER get that $30 out of me.

Contemplating taking my profile out of dogtown.