There have been a dozen speed bumps. I was waiting to get paid from my GR check to buy shoes. Then come to find out I won't be getting one. Only $35. Then I am cut off for the rest of the year. Which is fine because my business will be up and running by then. So fuck em.
But finding that there would be no check sent me into a tailspin. I had a breakdown. How will I pay my phone bill? How will I get my bus pass? How will by buy soap? Do laundry? I told Ro what was happening and she offered to help out. So she replaced what I would have gotten. I was relieved beyond belief.
I made plans to by shoes. But the factory was on holiday till the 1st. So I waited two days. Then the first came. I got busy with errands, and getting my business loan application. I was really overwhelmed with that because I don't have a printer at home and had to go to the library to print. Then naturally when I got there there was a problem with the printer. So I would have to come back the next day to print the 13 page application.
At midnight on the 1st I got a notification that $99 was taken out of my account for office 365 software! I freaked out! I had to spend an hour cancelling the subscription and getting the money back to my account, which could take up to 7 days. I didn't want to wait another 7 days to buy my starter shoes. UGH! Luckily I got the money back right away.
Then I contacted to seller on line to buy. I was going to western union on line, and NATURALLY my card wouldn't work on line!!! So I have to go into the office in person to do the western union today. Hopefully it will go through without me having to withdraw cash from an ATM.
I am excited to begin the process of selling sneakers on line. I want to get funding so I can buy more stock and have several thousand by the holidays. I need to go see my mom and get her squared away.
I went to the movies with my friends last night and invited my friend Rob to go with. We had a great time and stayed out really late. We got a free pizza from the pizza place because when we got there they were closing and they had a pie someone didn't come pick up.
I have been having an intense hair crisis for months. I have been trying to do crochet wigs and they all turn out looking like big puff balls. I haven't been doing the technique right. The wig looks good on the wig head, but when I put it on I look like a crazy person. I figured out what I was doing wrong, so I will start another wig this week. But I miss buying a wig that I like that is flattering and makes me feel pretty. I had been buying these short wigs because it's so hot out, but they are so unflattering. I bought one and I named it moms mabely because that's what I feel I look like when I wear it. Moms almost always work a fishermen's cap over her wig. But I could imagine what her hair looked like. I want to look the opposite of how I look. I take pictures when I am with my friends, and I always feel ugly. I want to look at a picture and feel pretty. Feel happy about my looks and body. I want to have shoes that flatter my legs, hair that is sexy, skin that glows without an inch of makeup. A dancers body back. For three months I have been eating whatever. My logic has been that I will start selling shoes, make money then invest $160 in this weight loss plan I have been following for the past year. If I dropped 50lbs I would feel lots better. But I have to lose like 120. When I look in the mirror I can only see 50 that I need to lose. When I make money I can afford $15 a week for dance classes. But I have to have a car to get there. I feel like my life has been on hold for 50 years, and I am finally going to know what it feels like to be free. People say stuff like 'I want my life back', but I have never had a life to begin with to get back. This will be the first time having one. I feel like I'll be a beast about it too. Making up for lost time. I hate feeling like I am invisible the way I am. That I have to change in order to have the life I want. I hate looking at myself in pictures and being disappointed. I hate that when men talk to me they are BUMS. Only BUMS. I want to have a car, and be gorgeous and guys that have something to offer and are good looking and NOT BUMS want to talk to me. I want Jay to see me and be knocked out.
- chin and neck done
- boobs lifted
- knee done with stem cells
- skin evened and cleared
- teeth straightened and whitened
- 120 lbs lost
an amazing wardrobe and lots of cool hair.
I want to have an incredible Christmas this year.
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