I had dinner with K last night after our event. I mentioned the chocolate cake incident to him. He was of course team Rob saying that I should have eaten the cake and thanked him for it. He was trying to do a nice thing. Yeah, but it was vegan cake. I ate as much as I could, till I couldn't anymore. The message that I got was 'pretend you like it so you don't hurt his feelings.' Which is a theme of womanhood all over the world. Don't hurt a man's feelings. Be uncomfortable, inconvenienced, unsatisfied, short changed, and accept less because you don't want to hurt his feelings.
Again, Rob and I are not dating! He is a friend. Why must I behave in a way that a girlfriend would?
Rob continually crosses boundaries with me as well, and I am starting to really not be that crazy about it. He made jokes on speaker phone to a person in Atlanta about picking me up from my job at the strip club. Really wasn't feeling that.
He asked where I was coming from the other day. I don't like when he asks where I have been. That's a boyfriend question. I may have said clinic. He took it and ran and then we were talking about me being at the gynecologist office. Inappropriate.
There was the hair conversation / debate. Not his place ever. Boyfriend or not.
Then today it was 'I bet you are bossy in bed.' "yall need to know when to shut up and take it." Too far. I tried to have a casual attitude, and laugh stuff off. But now I am getting tired of him consistently crossing boundaries. He doesn't have a clue what I am like intimately. At all. I got angry that he would assume something about me. He is the one that is always bossy, not me. It's like he likes me, but doesn't want to come out an say he does, and say he wants to date me. It's like he is playing games with me, trying extract information without asking clear pointed questions. I am getting to the point where I feel like I have to sit him down and talk this out with him, because it's getting to be problematic; and making me feel some type of way toward him.
But it seems like this is the state of black men and women. We can't communicate. We criticize. Men are taught subconsciously that they are above reproach. They are not to be questioned. If I talk to him about how what he says makes me feel, that's a 'see, that's why you aint got a man' moment. I get tired of when I tell a man no, being attacked. If I have boundaries, I am being a bitch or frigid. I don't like when men use you as entertainment. They want to know all your business, know about your sex life and the like but still put you in the friend zone. I don't play that shit. I have had tons of male friends over the years, and they respect the boundaries that I set. This one here is acting like he has a crush and doesn't want to man up about it. He calls me 2 and 3 times a day sometimes. A boyfriend does that. If we aren't dating, I don't want to talk to you three times in one day. I aint feening for you like that.
Tuesday, September 25, 2018
Right there
So I finally got my GR payment, but it was $20 short. Whatever. Then on Monday got my paycheck. I will deposit everything in the morning, then I will be off and running. I am nervous and excited to finally get my business off the ground and make some actual money for the first time in my life.
I do however have an interview for a job in bumblefuck LA for a holiday CSR for a yoga gear company on Thursday. I thought that I could do that just to get other bills covered. My car, dress form, material, bras, skin treatments, diet, and my apartment finally decorated. But part of me doesn't want the job. I want to do my reselling.
I went to the hair store and found out that they will sell you a sample head for $9. Like if a hair company sends them a put together weave for display, you can buy it for that price. I got one for interviewing. I also got purple and grey kalekalon hair, to make two wigs. I have been fantasizing about hot pink suede sneakers and hot pink curly hair.
It's so weird how it feels like it's part of my DNA to spend money. Like all I earn for is to spend. This is a new era for me completely. I will experience things I never have before. It's exciting. I want to be semi practical about things. Put money aside for taxes. Start planning on getting my condo. Planning on my real life happening.
I do however have an interview for a job in bumblefuck LA for a holiday CSR for a yoga gear company on Thursday. I thought that I could do that just to get other bills covered. My car, dress form, material, bras, skin treatments, diet, and my apartment finally decorated. But part of me doesn't want the job. I want to do my reselling.
I went to the hair store and found out that they will sell you a sample head for $9. Like if a hair company sends them a put together weave for display, you can buy it for that price. I got one for interviewing. I also got purple and grey kalekalon hair, to make two wigs. I have been fantasizing about hot pink suede sneakers and hot pink curly hair.
It's so weird how it feels like it's part of my DNA to spend money. Like all I earn for is to spend. This is a new era for me completely. I will experience things I never have before. It's exciting. I want to be semi practical about things. Put money aside for taxes. Start planning on getting my condo. Planning on my real life happening.
Tuesday, September 18, 2018
Waiting
I got the money from RO for my licence. She gave me an extra $25 which helped because my GR check didn't come. That usually pays for my monthly bus pass. So that extra money helped with that. I needed practical stuff too.
Once the GR comes then I can move forward. I had to wait a week. It was supposed to be here on Friday, it wasn't. Went to the office to see what the problem was. They said it would be ready Monday. I worked Tuesday through Thursday. So I am waiting to be paid from that. With both payments I should have at least $300. I can get started.
The waiting is killing me!!!!
Once the GR comes then I can move forward. I had to wait a week. It was supposed to be here on Friday, it wasn't. Went to the office to see what the problem was. They said it would be ready Monday. I worked Tuesday through Thursday. So I am waiting to be paid from that. With both payments I should have at least $300. I can get started.
The waiting is killing me!!!!
Saturday, September 1, 2018
Around and around
I was able to get a four day gig at the convention center which will get me all of $170. Ro offered to pay for my re sellers licence. I said no, but now I am rethinking the offer. The $170 will be enough for me to get two pairs to sell. If I do this correctly by the end of the month (when it's starting to get chilly out) I could have a car. I have to be stealthlike about this.
I forced myself to finish my burgundy crochet wig. It turned out better than the purple. I got a better handle on the process. I think the next one with the proper perm rods will turn out more afrolike the way I want it. This one looks like the wigs I used to make in Fort Lauderdale. Really sexy full with big curls. I got a little annoyed because I don't have a car, a controlled environment to travel in. So my hair was getting blown around. I imagined what it would be like to create an outfit, put on my leopard sandals; some cute jewelery and do my make up and wear the new wig. I imagine once my money starts flowing I will be overcome with creativity and making outfits left and right. Then I can go out even if it's by myself and have a nice dinner and look stunning. I would prefer being out with my dream guy tho.
I left my number on his meetup page. Nothing. I think he barely goes to his facebook. If he does I doubt he has messenger. I don't know how to get his attention. It hurts a little. I think about him every day. I want the next time he sees me to be the day he makes a move.
Still reading stories. They are all good in their own ways. There are elements that always appear.
A creepy guy bothers me and the love interest saves me
love interest has no desire for a relationship
love interest has a bothersome ex
love interest screws up BAD and we nearly break up
This new one I get roped in by my high school crush after graduation at a party to pretend to be his girlfriend so he doesn't have to date the school piranha. His parents like me a lot so we keep up the ruse. He starts to fall hard for me, but can't own up to it because of some 'dark secret in his past'. I step up because I fall for him as well and tell him how I feel; but he shuts me down saying this was fake. I am ruint of course. But it doesn't help we are going to the same college in the fall. My best friend is dating his best friend, so it gets weird. He is pining away for me at college and I am shutting him out at every turn. He's texting and calling and I am ignoring. There are only two chapters left so I can't imagine I will learn anything or any reconciliation in two chapters. So I am going to be left hanging again.
One of my other stories the one where my lover gets on a knee and I didn't get to answer before the story ended; continued. I got to say yes. But he was offered a job in new york and I was offered one in Milan. I decided to go to new york with him. Our wedding pictures on the beach were gorgeous.
Another story I was someone who worked at home reading manuscripts. I am hopelessly single. All of my friends are booed up and I am the only one who isn't. Again enter fake relationship. I meet him having coffee. I invite him on a weekend trip with my friends. It goes wonderfully. But before I met him I went to a clinic to get artificially inseminated. It would turn out to be effective. He didn't want children. When I told him he left me. But then realized his feelings about children changed with his feelings for me. So he comes back and we marry. I have the baby and we are great. She is a pistol too. We get pregnant with twins. But that's where the story ended. Before the twins arrival. I could have gone on and on with this story. Raising the kids, and growing old together.
These stories bring up all sorts of emotions that I have been avoiding forever.
Ugh.
I forced myself to finish my burgundy crochet wig. It turned out better than the purple. I got a better handle on the process. I think the next one with the proper perm rods will turn out more afrolike the way I want it. This one looks like the wigs I used to make in Fort Lauderdale. Really sexy full with big curls. I got a little annoyed because I don't have a car, a controlled environment to travel in. So my hair was getting blown around. I imagined what it would be like to create an outfit, put on my leopard sandals; some cute jewelery and do my make up and wear the new wig. I imagine once my money starts flowing I will be overcome with creativity and making outfits left and right. Then I can go out even if it's by myself and have a nice dinner and look stunning. I would prefer being out with my dream guy tho.
I left my number on his meetup page. Nothing. I think he barely goes to his facebook. If he does I doubt he has messenger. I don't know how to get his attention. It hurts a little. I think about him every day. I want the next time he sees me to be the day he makes a move.
Still reading stories. They are all good in their own ways. There are elements that always appear.
A creepy guy bothers me and the love interest saves me
love interest has no desire for a relationship
love interest has a bothersome ex
love interest screws up BAD and we nearly break up
This new one I get roped in by my high school crush after graduation at a party to pretend to be his girlfriend so he doesn't have to date the school piranha. His parents like me a lot so we keep up the ruse. He starts to fall hard for me, but can't own up to it because of some 'dark secret in his past'. I step up because I fall for him as well and tell him how I feel; but he shuts me down saying this was fake. I am ruint of course. But it doesn't help we are going to the same college in the fall. My best friend is dating his best friend, so it gets weird. He is pining away for me at college and I am shutting him out at every turn. He's texting and calling and I am ignoring. There are only two chapters left so I can't imagine I will learn anything or any reconciliation in two chapters. So I am going to be left hanging again.
One of my other stories the one where my lover gets on a knee and I didn't get to answer before the story ended; continued. I got to say yes. But he was offered a job in new york and I was offered one in Milan. I decided to go to new york with him. Our wedding pictures on the beach were gorgeous.
Another story I was someone who worked at home reading manuscripts. I am hopelessly single. All of my friends are booed up and I am the only one who isn't. Again enter fake relationship. I meet him having coffee. I invite him on a weekend trip with my friends. It goes wonderfully. But before I met him I went to a clinic to get artificially inseminated. It would turn out to be effective. He didn't want children. When I told him he left me. But then realized his feelings about children changed with his feelings for me. So he comes back and we marry. I have the baby and we are great. She is a pistol too. We get pregnant with twins. But that's where the story ended. Before the twins arrival. I could have gone on and on with this story. Raising the kids, and growing old together.
These stories bring up all sorts of emotions that I have been avoiding forever.
Ugh.
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