The Experiment

There comes a time when your expectations are so fucking low of someone you just can't even bring yourself to talk to them.

I stopped texting. If he texts it's one word answers.

One day he says 'Let's get a room today.' 

My brain does this:

" Does this mutherfucker actually think I am going to have sex with him after all this bullshit?! "

"He is fine as hell..."

"The sex will be terrible, skip it."

"I am curious."

"He's not getting a damn room, loser. So I'll say ok, because it's not happening anyway."

So I say sure.

A couple hours later his 'budget has changed, because he has to buy supplies for a party he's doing.'

Told ya.

He offers a movie instead.

Fine.

I get there, and he only has enough money to pay for himself.

Strike one

No snack money

Strike two

He has to get popcorn for his mom to take home.

Strike three.

His mother is perfectly aware that she is intruding on OUR date. She is marking her territory. It made me sick to my stomach that he's such a mommas boy that he will bring her popcorn from the theater. I didn't get popcorn, but she did.

He can't see that there is anything wrong with this, that's the problem. That's how steeped in mommas boy culture he is.  I was so grossed out when he got the popcorn when we were leaving I felt I would vomit.

Turned out we were parked not that far from eachother. He put the popcorn in the car then got in my car for a moment. We made out for a long time. We have never done that before in the 3 months I have known him. It's usually a few kisses on the lips then he's gone. We steamed the place up that night.

He text later commenting on how steamy things got.

I was surprised he even followed up about it. He said he would see me the following week sometime.

He did not.

Then this past Tuesday (his day off) he texts me a few moments before my lunchtime. He knows when I go to lunch. He asks if I have eaten yet. I tell him not yet.

I'm thinking he will say good because he's downstairs to take me to lunch.

Jokes on me.

He says 'Oh, I already ate my lunch.'

I tell him 'Thanks for the update.'

He says 'No problem :/' So he knows he fucked up or that I'm being sarcastic for some reason.

This little fucked up interaction is the straw that broke my back.

I can't keep on and on like this.

The good news is that I found an apartment and filled out the application. I am up early because my case manager is going to inspect it this morning and I am going with her. This place is near my job ( in south central proper ) and so cute and cosy. It has a huge closet for all my stuff, a real kitchen separate from the main room and a bathroom with a TUB! I haven't taken a bath in years. I took one once when Kev and I rented a room. But I haven't lived anywhere where I could take a bath. IT HAS AIR CONDITIONING! I couldn't believe it! I real fridge not a mini one. I am beyond excited. The landlord would take my subsidy. AND I HAVE ACCESS TO PARKING!

I feel like my life is about to begin.

This fool is not coming with me.

It's so funny how before I used to daydream about us at my place, in bed watching movies and making love. Cooking  and having a drawer for his stuff. That is so retarded now I can't even....

He doesn't deserve space in my life.

He's emotionally stunted wether he wants to admit it or not. I don't have time for it. I deserve so much more. So much better. So much love and thoughtfulness. He has no concept of being thoughtful.

Like showing up on my birthday EMPTY HANDED!

I considered checking out then, but then thought am I being petty? We hadn't been seeing eachother that long. Just a month. But he does artwork for a living, and he knew I wanted a Prince t shirt...... I mean seriously. I love celebrating peoples birthday. I was (in my mental illness) thinking once my on line businesses paid; I'd buy tickets for his birthday to go to Hawaii to see my friends hotel. It would be about $4,000 for a three day weekend. But I was considering it if I had the money to do it. 

Now I might not even text him happy birthday.

It sounds petty, but that's how 'left out there' I have felt this whole time. I sincerely doubt between now and the end of the month (when his birthday is) that anything will change for the better so I would even be in the picture. I'll let his girlfriend / Mother handle all of that.

I have officially left the building.