On and on

New Years eve was a bust. He didn't come over. I suspected it was because mom wouldn't let him drive.

I sense there is a struggle between them. Some black women who aren't in relationships use their grown sons as substitutes for husbands. It's gross. But I imagine she is jealous that he wants to be with me so she flexes to try and get between us.

There was one of those zodiac related why you suck at relationships article on line. I supposedly sabotage my relationships. I call straight 100% bullshit on this. I haven't been in a relationship that I wanted to be in or that met most of my needs. I don't see the point of loyalty to someone who is basically starving me out. Why should I.

My feelings for the painter are getting stronger and I feel like I have to cut the feelings with something else. I can't get by on a few hours a week. I need quality time to be with him. I told him that and he acts like he gets it, and I am still waiting around. 

I got upset because he got a haircut before he went out tonight. Why does he have to look good before he goes out tonight? I got pissed off. He told me a week ago he was going out; but I have seen him 5 minutes this week. Be he's out having fun? I'd go out on my own but the job never paid me. I am flat broke. Not even bus faire. Which adds to my anger.

I can't handle the waiting. Or feeling like I'm not that important to him. He can't help it, but it doesn't change how I feel.

I can't wait to get a car so I can go where I want.