Everythingbag

I was supposed to get a check for $1500 as my last check back on Jan 11. But it was for $700. I was owed a bunch of cash. It's a federal job so they don't cut checks for the difference. You have to wait till the next payday. They tell me to bring all my time cards back and copy them so the supervisor can make the adjustments and get my cash right.

So two weeks go by and I go back to get the rest of my money. There is no check. The timecards are still sitting in the same spot on the supervisors desk. Nothing was done. I had to go around and around. Long story short I still have to wait two more weeks to get paid. I am angry. I can't afford to ride the bus. I have $3 on my pass which I have to use to get to the welfare office. I may be able to get tokens from my worker. 

I had so many plans for the money I worked for over the holidays.

1.) Make my down payment on my car.
2.) Get a dress form
3.) Invest in my bitcoin account
4.) Get my wardrobe in order.
5.) Get my apartment pulled together.

I got a few bucks in my bitcoin account. Because I didn't have food stamps I bought food. I got a little fabric. Paid bills. Then it was gone. Waiting for another check. When the check is short it's like you are still living paycheck to paycheck.

Everything was right down to the wire, so when I got my last check everything would be covered as far as bills. But since there was no check, there was no money in my account. So when my bills hit overdrawn. If I can't make a deposit by 9pm tonight, more fees. My account could be overdrawn by hundreds by the time I get paid. 

I feel sick.

On and on

New Years eve was a bust. He didn't come over. I suspected it was because mom wouldn't let him drive.

I sense there is a struggle between them. Some black women who aren't in relationships use their grown sons as substitutes for husbands. It's gross. But I imagine she is jealous that he wants to be with me so she flexes to try and get between us.

There was one of those zodiac related why you suck at relationships article on line. I supposedly sabotage my relationships. I call straight 100% bullshit on this. I haven't been in a relationship that I wanted to be in or that met most of my needs. I don't see the point of loyalty to someone who is basically starving me out. Why should I.

My feelings for the painter are getting stronger and I feel like I have to cut the feelings with something else. I can't get by on a few hours a week. I need quality time to be with him. I told him that and he acts like he gets it, and I am still waiting around. 

I got upset because he got a haircut before he went out tonight. Why does he have to look good before he goes out tonight? I got pissed off. He told me a week ago he was going out; but I have seen him 5 minutes this week. Be he's out having fun? I'd go out on my own but the job never paid me. I am flat broke. Not even bus faire. Which adds to my anger.

I can't handle the waiting. Or feeling like I'm not that important to him. He can't help it, but it doesn't change how I feel.

I can't wait to get a car so I can go where I want.