RED FLAGS ARE MY LIFE

I have watched my fill of catfish.

I wonder how in the 2017 are people still managing to get catfished and get away with catfishing?

It's always amusing to watch and make bets who's on the other end lying their ass off.

I am always amazed how people who HAVE NEVER MET are saying they love eachother, and want to get married. Most times haven't spoken on the phone, or sometimes they have and the person most definately isn't who they claim to be.

Usually the person steals photos of someone really attractive. Usually a model, and pretends to be them. They start contacting people pretending to be this person.

Like I said, how can you not smell this cooking.

So after my disaster with the dead inside painter, I got back on line.

I saw this man who made me stop in my tracks. Very stylish and handsome. The kind of man that would never speak to me.

But he did.

I was kind of shocked.

We started talking. He seemed nice. 

He gave lots of compliments, which I was missing since being with DIP for the last four months. I lapped them up.

He said on his profile that he didn't want kids, so I thought cool! But turned out he made the wrong choice he actually does want kids. I told him I was too old for pregnancy. He said he'd adopt. He wanted a girl. Men never want a daughter. This was refreshing.

He owned his own business and has a design eye which is something I always craved in a man.

About 3 days in or so he starts saying he wants to get married in a year. That I am his dream woman. He starts saying he loves me.

RED FLAG!

Pump the breaks.

I'm not saying it to someone I have never laid eyes on and do not know.

But it was nice to hear. I let it ride. I didn't discourage it. I would just remind him we have to meet and spend time together.

He says things like he just wants me to be happy. 

He will help me pay bills

When we get married I don't have to work.

All great to hear. But it's all talk.

He tells me he's planning a trip to Canada for a week for business.

Cool.

He asks if I want to go.

RED FLAG.

Who invites a stranger on a business trip? It made me feel icky sort of. 

Imagine being in a foreign country, and some completely different person shows up at the airport to kidnap me.

FUCK THAT SHIT.

I said no.

Maybe once we've been DIRL. (dating in real life)

But for now no.

I noticed a pattern every evening. We would talk mostly during the work day. But at 5pm he would usually go silent.

I'd text and not get an answer till after 10 or till the middle of the night.

This went on the entire week.

Till Thursday evening. 

He asks if he can trust me with his property, business and finances.

What kind of question is this to ask a stranger?

Um, sure?

He drops a bomb on me.

" I'm going out of town but I don't want anyone to know I am not in town. People owe me money. I told them that you would be handling my affairs. I told them you were my wife, so don't be surprised if they call you Mrs. Do__________. I need you to open an account for this money."

WHAT THE HOLY FUCK?!?!?!?!

You know how many bitches are sitting up doing fed time because some man said they love them, and asked them to hold this, or fill this out, or take this across state lines?

I could only see the feds knocking my flimsy wood door in and arresting me for some sort of crime related to these monies. 

I see myself trying to explain what happened.

" Well this hot guy on line said he loved me and would take care of me, just do this for him."

His name could be fake.

I searched for him. He has no social media. I can't find his company under his name. I searched his photos like they do on catfish. Nothing came up.

When I finally did speak to him on the phone. He had an accent. The first few times I had to strain to hear him so I wasn't listening that closely to the accent. I couldn't understand what he was saying sometimes. I'd get annoyed. But I didn't say anything.

I couldn't make sense of how he didn't have an account already they could send the money to.

His reasoning didn't really make sense but I didn't needle him on it.

" I'm in Canada, I don't want them to know that. "

But, your account will be from here.. What the fuck does that have to do with you being out of town.

He kept the pressure on, and I kept saying no. I'm not comfortable doing that for someone I don't know. He kept on and on. I said no. I started to get mad and cry from stress.

He said forget it goodnight.

In the middle of the night he texts me he's on his way to the airport. Why am I not answering him.

Because I was asleep!

DUR.

Then he says he is going to take a nap and call me.

I am driving around for work, and he calls. 

"About last night." he starts.

Next thing I know we are back in the conversation. I break everything down to him. I make a joke about the feds busting in and dragging me down the stairs by my ankles. He laughs.

He says I am funny.

I hear his accent, and he punctuates his sentences with 'yeah', which is common when talking to people from the UK.

I ask where his accent is from. He slowly says Puerto Rico.

I wanted to blurt, no it isn't. No one on PR sounds like you.

The more I listened, the more I heard a black man on the phone. Which isn't what's in the picture.

I tell him it doesn't make sense for me to do what he is asking. My gut says no.

I tell him to imagine the situation was reversed.. Some woman contacts you on line.  A few days in she loves you, then a few days after that she's asking you to open bank accounts for her money?

Doesn't that sound shady to you?

He says yeah it does.

Next thing I know he's having some sort of crisis he has to handle right away and call me back.

NEXT I KNOW

He's texting about how he left his itunes card on his bed and he needs it to access the cloud where his presentation is.

Can I go and get two $50 cards for him?

And do what with them. 

It sounds like he says I can log in for him so he can get in the cloud.

I have never heard it cost money to get in there.

It sounds funny to me.

Sure, send me $100 and I'll do it.

He tells me he will pay me back, to just go pick them up.

"$100 is nothing to me. I can get it back to you."

This annoyed the fuck out of me.

" I have bills that are due TODAY, I am NOT spending my own money for this. You get me the money, I will go do it, but other than that I can't do nothin for ya man."

I was livid. The fucking nerve. $100 is nothing to you?

Then why not send it up front if it's nothing.

His answer was convoluted at best. It as jibberish. 

I started getting mad.

"I told you I am hanging on by a thread and you want me to spend my own money?? Are you fucking kidding me???"

He kept saying he could get it back to me.

I said 'Get it front to me.'

I started seeing this whole interaction from day one was a setup to get to the money thing. I was angry deep in my soul.

I am glad I don't have a problem telling a man NO. 

Emphatically at that.

He was pushing and pushing, I kept getting more angry. I started yelling.

" You get me the money fine. No money, I can't help you."

" You could be anybody. You could be a drug dealer for all I know."

He says he isn't.

The line went dead.

He texts how he's mad at me.

How I shouldn't yell at him.

He's not going to rip me off for $100

(not taking the chance)

He said that I don't calm down to understand anything.

I just blow up all the time

Please you need to be more calm

You never believe me you always thing I am telling you lies

Good day and take care of yourself.

DID HE JUST FEZ ME?!?!?

I told him to send me his company website.

I feel manipulated and lied to by you

Your accent sounds like you're from the UK and not the man in the pictures.

I feel like I am being scammed.

I'm pissed as hell right now.

I'm not stupid or naive. You get that now.

He says "I have nothing to say to you. You have it in your head to call me a scam."

I remind him he agreed that if the situation were reversed he'd be suspicious.

I go on...

If you are who you say you are, and feel they way you claimed you do you'd fight for me, to show me you are real.

He says "I've told you take care."

I'm not replying to you because I have bigger issues to deal with right now.

You insulted me today.

How can I fight for you when you already giving me a headache, adding to my problems.

( How is it my job to solve his fucking problems though???!!)

I said

Maybe when the dust settles and you see things more clearly, you will have time to reflect on how others may feel

He said " I'm getting to see the real you."

Like I'm ashamed of protecting myself or some shit? NGA fuck you.

I tell him

You will see I haven't done anything wrong.

I am just trying to protect myself

I won't apologise for that

I am not a fool

He says

Okay

The Experiment

There comes a time when your expectations are so fucking low of someone you just can't even bring yourself to talk to them.

I stopped texting. If he texts it's one word answers.

One day he says 'Let's get a room today.' 

My brain does this:

" Does this mutherfucker actually think I am going to have sex with him after all this bullshit?! "

"He is fine as hell..."

"The sex will be terrible, skip it."

"I am curious."

"He's not getting a damn room, loser. So I'll say ok, because it's not happening anyway."

So I say sure.

A couple hours later his 'budget has changed, because he has to buy supplies for a party he's doing.'

Told ya.

He offers a movie instead.

Fine.

I get there, and he only has enough money to pay for himself.

Strike one

No snack money

Strike two

He has to get popcorn for his mom to take home.

Strike three.

His mother is perfectly aware that she is intruding on OUR date. She is marking her territory. It made me sick to my stomach that he's such a mommas boy that he will bring her popcorn from the theater. I didn't get popcorn, but she did.

He can't see that there is anything wrong with this, that's the problem. That's how steeped in mommas boy culture he is.  I was so grossed out when he got the popcorn when we were leaving I felt I would vomit.

Turned out we were parked not that far from eachother. He put the popcorn in the car then got in my car for a moment. We made out for a long time. We have never done that before in the 3 months I have known him. It's usually a few kisses on the lips then he's gone. We steamed the place up that night.

He text later commenting on how steamy things got.

I was surprised he even followed up about it. He said he would see me the following week sometime.

He did not.

Then this past Tuesday (his day off) he texts me a few moments before my lunchtime. He knows when I go to lunch. He asks if I have eaten yet. I tell him not yet.

I'm thinking he will say good because he's downstairs to take me to lunch.

Jokes on me.

He says 'Oh, I already ate my lunch.'

I tell him 'Thanks for the update.'

He says 'No problem :/' So he knows he fucked up or that I'm being sarcastic for some reason.

This little fucked up interaction is the straw that broke my back.

I can't keep on and on like this.

The good news is that I found an apartment and filled out the application. I am up early because my case manager is going to inspect it this morning and I am going with her. This place is near my job ( in south central proper ) and so cute and cosy. It has a huge closet for all my stuff, a real kitchen separate from the main room and a bathroom with a TUB! I haven't taken a bath in years. I took one once when Kev and I rented a room. But I haven't lived anywhere where I could take a bath. IT HAS AIR CONDITIONING! I couldn't believe it! I real fridge not a mini one. I am beyond excited. The landlord would take my subsidy. AND I HAVE ACCESS TO PARKING!

I feel like my life is about to begin.

This fool is not coming with me.

It's so funny how before I used to daydream about us at my place, in bed watching movies and making love. Cooking  and having a drawer for his stuff. That is so retarded now I can't even....

He doesn't deserve space in my life.

He's emotionally stunted wether he wants to admit it or not. I don't have time for it. I deserve so much more. So much better. So much love and thoughtfulness. He has no concept of being thoughtful.

Like showing up on my birthday EMPTY HANDED!

I considered checking out then, but then thought am I being petty? We hadn't been seeing eachother that long. Just a month. But he does artwork for a living, and he knew I wanted a Prince t shirt...... I mean seriously. I love celebrating peoples birthday. I was (in my mental illness) thinking once my on line businesses paid; I'd buy tickets for his birthday to go to Hawaii to see my friends hotel. It would be about $4,000 for a three day weekend. But I was considering it if I had the money to do it. 

Now I might not even text him happy birthday.

It sounds petty, but that's how 'left out there' I have felt this whole time. I sincerely doubt between now and the end of the month (when his birthday is) that anything will change for the better so I would even be in the picture. I'll let his girlfriend / Mother handle all of that.

I have officially left the building.