I went to the hair battle and DJ Rico was there. There were a ton of hot men there. It was like heaven! I wanted to talk to so many of them but I didn't have a reason to. I need business cards to pass out.
Rico was busy, he was spinning then running around furiously filming stuff. I guess he was mentoring a girl DJ whom I was slightly jealous of because she got to be under him all day. At one point he was running around the room filming and so I followed him. I was able to grab his shirt, he turned around and half hugged me. It was very anticlimactic. I didn't have the time to sit and talk with him that I hoped for.
He kind of looked through me which I didn't quite know what to make of. I didn't expect him to jump up and now. I felt pretty good that day and wanted a distraction from R. I didn't quite get it. But there was so much eye candy I did have a good time.
A few days later R called. I wasn't going to answer. But it kept ringing and ringing I so picked up. Took about 30 seconds to say hello. He was acting like always. I was giving one word answers to his questions. I could tell he was sensing something was off. I was happy he picked up on it. He asked if I was mad at him or something. I told him I was FUCKING LIVID. He was like 'you can't be' I said I most definitely AM FUCKING LIVID. He asked why. I told him that I didn't want to talk about it because I didn't want to get pissed all over again. He got quiet. Then says 'well when you want to talk call me.' I told him not to hold his breath.
I haven't called and it's been two weeks. It's been a process, getting him out of my system. Wiping away all traces if him. Backing out of everything I felt. Realizing I allowed myself to be taken in by a toxic male. How I am 100,000 light years away from some caveman like him who still runs away from women he has sex with. Who still has to humiliate and curve women who have ALLOWED him to be intimate with you.
The actual sex was a joke. Three strokes and done. I was waiting for the make up rounds. Like he comes to spend the whole night and we go at it several times over the course of the night. Where he finally FUCKS ME PROPERLY! Or kisses me like a grown up. What the fuck was up with his kisses? What adult male kisses like that? His entire mouth covering your mouth and NO tongue. (honestly I think he is so OCD that he won't allow anyone's tongue in his mouth) (Kissing is my jam so the fact doesn't know how to is problematic. That's the was middle schoolers kiss, and you mean to tell me in all these decades no one has bothered to tell you different? Or they have and you ignore them? Either way it's clear the woman isn't important to you. I did love his body tho. I have to get over it.
This whole situation has bought so much to the surface and it was the opposite experience of the one I thought I was having. LITERALLY THE OPPOSITE! It's not a great feeling that I have to erase him. It's a huge thing that I have to forget. I have gone through the stages of grief. I forced myself to. It's an ugly thing to think you have found someone to love and they stab you in the heart.
